Between Alone & With
In basketball – as in life – true joy comes from being fully present in each and every moment, not just when things are going your way. —Phil Jackson, Sacred Hoops
It’s easy to be dissatisfied, always wanting what isn’t accessible in this particular moment. When we’re young, we want the privileges and opportunities that come when we’re older. Then we get old and wish we could return to simpler, more carefree times.
I find myself being pulled, emotionally, out from where I am to where I am not. Honestly, that’s not a good place. It’s not productive and it’s not healthy.
It’s not being fully present.
When I am with people, I’m devising an escape plan. Although I am present physically, my mind is telling me that aloneness is better.
And when I am alone, I wonder what everyone else is doing. I start texting and trolling through Facebook and Twitter. You’ve probably never done this. *cough
What I’m describing is a place between alone and with.
It’s being alone, but not fully. It’s being with, but not really present.
Between alone and with is not a good place.
It’s better to find that natural rhythm: waves crashing into the shore, then retreating back into the ocean. In and then out. Fully present with others—listening, engaged, in the moment, there, with. And then, the retreat to aloneness—embracing the glory of being alone, undistracted solitude, quiet, still, dreaming, thinking, resting, alone.
Back and forth. All of me, not just part of me.
This is my goal.
I don’t want to live my life between, where I am neither fully with nor completely alone—where I am always distracted and dissatisfied, yearning for what isn’t.
When my daughter is talking to me, I want to be fully present. I want to be with her. Not just pretending to be listening, but actually hearing her.
When I’m alone, I want my soul to be restored. I need my batteries to be recharged. Not just catching up on social media, but really unplugging.
Ebb and flow. Back and forth. In and then out.
With, then alone. Never in between.
WHAT DO YOU THINK? How does not being fully present affect you and your relationships?
This is part 3 of 3 posts this week. Check out yesterday’s “I Want To Be Alone” and Tuesday’s “I Feel Alone.”
I am a husband, father, pastor, leader & reader. I love God, love people & love life.
This is so great Brian. What do you think about establishing “zones” in time or space where technology doesn’t exist? Like no tech after 6pm, or phones all plugged in downstairs so that it’s not the first and last thing everyone’s plugged into? The feeling of competing for each other’s attention distances us from one another. The message here is so important. I really enjoy days “off” when I’m so “off” that I have no idea what is happening on Facebook. It feels like it was a good use of a day and I didn’t waste time “trolling” as you say. So it’s almost 9am and I’ve already checked FB twice- (once I was looking for your post for the day). Goal- wait until tonight. Let’s see if I can do it, and I’ll be fully present for my world today and what I’m committed to. Love you!
I really love thIs series. I feel like it’s my job to be “on” all the time and it’s exhausting.
I think Rick Ross said it best, “Wherever you are – be there” That is always my goal too – however I fall short of this most days
I’ve noticed that if you don’t have that balance then you will either be so present in yourself that your relationships suffer. Or that you are so present with other people that your emotional well being is suffering. If we can’t learn to balance the two then we end up messed up in one way or another.