Spin & My Ego
My ego really REALLY really likes my own spin.
In the same way my taste buds become elated when I give them Nutella, my ego responds with a happy dance every time I spin my story.
It’s like a perpetual cycle of feeding and reward…
Feed myself Nutella and I am rewarded with good feelings. Spin my story and I am rewarded with a happily expanding ego. It’s all rather addicting. Like Usher says,
“I can’t, can’t stop it, I can’t stop, won’t stop.”
My own spin always treats me favorably. Like that rare photograph that totally surprises me. “That’s me??!?! Daaaaaaannnng. I look good. And thin. Muscular too.” The lighting, angles, shadows, and Zoolander’s Blue Steel pose all worked magically together to produce a picture that is shockingly good. So good, in fact, it doesn’t look much like me at all. But it’s my favorite picture.
You know what I mean?
My own spin gives me favorable lighting and angles. It highlights the best bits of me and leaves out all the flaws. It inflates and exaggerates the good. My own spin paints me as a successful, gifted, disciplined, focused, visionary, popular, intelligent, attractive, holy, sought-after man of God. Basically—perfect.
My own spin is addictive. Like Nutella. Or like crack. Or perhaps like Walter White’s addiction to empire-building. In the Breaking Bad finale, Walter’s confession to his wife is a good explanation for why I spin: “I did it for me. I liked it. I was good at it. And I was really… I was alive.”
Walter White’s empire ultimately failed, and I’m pretty sure my own spin will have the same fate.
I wonder sometimes about the line between spin and bold-faced lies. It seems likely, that at some point, I will be faced with a decision when confronted with harsh realities and the ugly truth…
Do I keep the spin alive with bold-faced lies or do I admit that I’ve been inflating and exaggerating?
As much as I’m addicted to spin and love its ego-boosting reward, I’m also weary from all the spinning. Like most addictions, it’s a love/hate relationship.
Deep down, I suspect I haven’t tricked anyone into believing my propaganda.
Sometimes, I actually crave a spin-free life.
That desire doesn’t stick around for long though—my ego has an appetite.
It’s hard to reconcile my addiction to spin with the ways of Jesus. It seems like His Beatitude teaching (blessed are the poor in spirit, blessed are those who mourn, blessed are the meek) is pretty much the opposite of ego-feeding spin.
And then there’s this pesky verse:
Don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. —Philippians 2.3
Do you know how hard that is? With a hungry ego like mine, that verse is impossible.
All I know is this: spin and my ego will constantly work against my spiritual health. I don’t think I’ll ever be spin-free. And I know my ego will never truly die—but I think I might be able to put it on a diet. That’s my plan:
Slow the feeding-frenzy of spin and put my ego on a diet.
Maybe Celebrate Recovery can help me with my addiction…
“Hi, I’m Brian—and I’m addicted to spin.”
Don’t do or say what isn’t so. I hate all that stuff. Keep your lives simple and honest. —Zechariah 8.17 MSG
This is part 2 of 3 posts this week. Check out yesterday’s “SPIN: Can We Just Admit It?” and come back tomorrow for “Can Spin Be Redeemed?”
QUESTION: What do you think about slowing the feeding-frenzy of spin?
I am a husband, father, pastor, leader & reader. I love God, love people & love life.
Addiction to spin. That’s a new thought. I like it.
Addiction to image management is very real.
How to slow the spin? Tweet your flaws and failures? Tweet less about your greatness?
As usual, your writing makes me think and I like it.
Dangerous insights, Brian. What I want to know now is this: after reading this, how many pastors will “accidentally misplace” their ACMRs this coming December? Will our egos allow us to fill in the spaces honestly? After all, Annual Conference is coming…and we all check each other’s numbers (after diligently attending to the business-at-hand, of course).
Haha! Yes.
I know exactly what you mean Pastor Brian, and I think it’s pretty cool that you’re writing about it. I think there are times when everyone, including myself can see it in our own lives. But most people don’t bother to call it out & name it the way you do in this post.
I don’t want to put my ego on a diet though. I think of diets as being too much work. Diets require concentration.And on a diet there are good days, motivated days, and days of progress. Then there are the days of shame, where I end up on my kitchen floor, cussing at the celery through gritted teeth and a mouthful of chocolate cake…But I digress…
Until today, my plan for my ego was to ignore him, and not feed into his charm. I was hoping he either gives up, or starves out.. But starvation takes time and dedication as well, and I’ve gotten a few other ideas since reading your post.
I’ve got to rat him out! ……(and I expect more people to do the same in the next comments btw) So, let me tell you a thing or two about my ego, because the cognitive dissonance it requires to keep up with him get weighty, and I need to talk it out.
I have a compassionate nature, which means I usually do whatever I can to help people in need. And occasionally I get this experience which I’m going to call, a “Helpers High”.. It comes with intense feelings of euphoria and brotherly love, and an intoxicating combination of thoughts & self-judgments…
“I am seriously The BEST person to have as a helper, I’m so caring, and I’m so capable, and I can do this and that..
and I can do ANYTHIIIIING!!!…. But..
that sounds a bit haughty, and I don’t want to end up being boastful…
I should be more humble…
Ah, and isn’t it Amazing how I can catch myself before I get too arrogant?
It is surely an ability that I can take pride in.” ::self satisfied smile::
See what I did there ^
Spin.
haha, elusive little thing this ego is, it’s such an tricky chameleon. Most days I think that simply becoming aware of it is what’s winning the battle.
Anyone else care to share with the group? ? ? lol