The Me Who Isn’t Performing… Do I Like Him?
Acting is all about faking things… —John Cleese
I was watching Jimmy Fallon the other night – and he had a famous starlet / actress / singer on the show. The first few minutes of her interview was OK, but I kept thinking she seemed uncomfortable. At times, her voice was a bit shaky.
Then, they did a fun bit called “Wheel of Musical Impressions” where you spin the dial and it “randomly” gives you a song to sing and an artist to impersonate. For example, Jimmy Fallon got “I’m a Little Tea Pot” in the style of Dave Matthews. His guest got “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” in the style of Fetty Wap and “Spongebob Squarepants” in the style of Christina Aguilera.
She nailed it. I mean, she performed with confidence, gusto, soul… it was impressive and funny and attention-grabbing. She is obviously a performer.
Something about the whole interview struck me: there was a notable change in confidence or comfortability with being herself -vs- performing.
She was visibly more comfortable performing.
I’ve noticed this before on late-night show interviews and I’ve also wondered about the actors who seem to always be in character (like Jim Carrey). Watching this happen makes me wonder: but who are you? What is Jim Carrey like?
It’s tempting for pastors to do this too – to always be performing. Every social media post is promoting the church. Every picture of me is on stage, with a microphone, saving the world.
We live in a culture that reveres performance. And I get it, I really do. Performances can be awe-inspiring, beautiful, stirring, and even prophetic (which is the impression I get when I see Kendrick Lamar perform). Also, performance is often necessary. We need people and things to perform well, to meet the standards.
However, we are more than our performances. After the lights and cameras turn off and the audience has gone home, we are… what exactly? What are we? Who are we?
A soul. A wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend. A husband, father, son, brother, friend.
And maybe this is the stuff that matters more than the performance.
My friend Tina Francis said, “I’ve been personally wrestling with the idea of resume virtues (skills you bring to the marketplace) -vs- eulogy virtues (whether you were kind, brave, honest or faithful. Were you capable of deep love?). Our educational systems spend more time teaching the skills and strategies for career success than qualities you need to radiate any sort of inner light.”
Wow. There it is.
Our educational systems spend more time teaching the skills and strategies for career success than qualities you need to radiate any sort of inner light.
I want to be a whole person, a real person. I want to be comfortable – not just when I’m performing, but also when I’m not performing, not producing, not leading…
I want to like (and be comfortable with) the me who isn’t performing.
“The Kingdom does not overwhelm us in a spectacle of sight and sounds. Rather, it will dwell with us in unsettling ordinariness.” —Dan White Jr.
I am a husband, father, pastor, leader & reader. I love God, love people & love life.
That’s so good Brian. To like who we are when we’re all by ourselves.
Someone once said the problems in us come from the fact that we can’t sit quietly by ourselves in a room. (It was much more poetic than that.)
I’ve often wondered about how an introvert like yourself realized he was “graced” to preach. I guess it’s like any other job you feel called to do, but it takes you outside your comfort zone?
I think your vulnerability in these posts is so very refreshing.
“Resume” vs “Eulogy” virtues–That’s some food for thought. In the workplace and even in the past, at home trying to raise 4 individuals, there is and was the sense and tension that I’m not performing like I should, producing like is expected of me. I come to realize that I feel the most at peace and alive when out hiking, running or shooting (camera-wise). Even the rare times of ‘doing nothing’ while observing the politics of the birds in my backyard–and the most meaningful communication with God happens in those times. I’m learning to give myself permission to dial-down and “be”.
By the way–that shot of the piano is pretty awesome!
Thanks Cathy – Ashah took the piano picture in Enumclaw outside an antique shop.