Lent Day 20… If You See Something Special Or Unique In Someone, You Should Tell Them
When someone sees something in you, and they have the courage to speak it out, it changes everything… that is what my community does. I’ve learned from them that if you see something special or unique in someone, you should tell them. Our words hold a lot of power. —Dana Tanamachi
While in Los Angeles last week with my daughter Ashah, we spent our mornings at Starbucks because… coffee and free wifi. She needed to use my computer to do some homework, and I was writing each morning on the blog for Lent. On one of the days, I gave her the computer after I had finished writing. I must have left my blog open on the web browser, because when I looked over at Ashah a few minutes later, she had tears in her eyes and a solemn look on her face. She turned the laptop towards me and this is what I saw…
It was a comment from my mom on an old blog post I had written. My mom died of cancer two summers ago. This particular blog post was from three summers ago… a year before she died.
Ashah had stumbled upon this old blog post because she had searched “Ashah” on the blog (funny, I think we all do that—search for ourselves, look for something that affirms our existence and worth). She must have read the entire post and the comments too.
When Ashah showed me the comment from my mom, all the memories came flooding back. It was a tidal wave of emotion… but mostly happy and thankful feelings. I was reminded that my mom was always my #1 supporter and encourager. There was never a doubt that she believed in me, adored me, and in no uncertain terms was gonna let me know all about it.
Sitting in Starbucks, staring at the glowing screen on my computer, I knew that I was loved. And this is such a gift.
Not everyone gets this gift. Not all the moms and dads and coaches and big brothers and sisters and friends and aunts and uncles and godparents and teachers and pastors and mentors and bosses are as quick and persistent with their words of encouragement, blessing, belief, and support as my mom was with hers.
Actor Alan Alda once said, “The best things said come last. People will talk for hours saying nothing much and then linger at the door with words that come with a rush from the heart.” I suppose this is often true… people save the important things for last. But I wonder if sometimes those important things don’t get said because we waited too long.
Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. —Proverbs 16.24
Dana Tanamachi was right on the money: If you see something special or unique in someone, you should tell them (and don’t wait too long—in fact, don’t wait at all—just do it the moment you see it, think it, or feel it).
I am a husband, father, pastor, leader & reader. I love God, love people & love life.
I suck at this. Like I just told the team last how I am really good at giving words when I’m really “excited”, and how sometimes I forget to give words in the mundane, consistent times in youth ministry. I’ve been making time to pull individuals aside to give love and praises to who they are and their gifts. I can tell by the teary eyes, eye rolls and hugs that I need/want to do better.
Great post. Hella love you.
DJ – I’m so proud of you. The fact that you’re aware of this and making a conscious effort to pull people aside and speak words of life to them… well, that is what it’s all about. In my mind, more real ministry is happening there than whatever happens on the stage. You’re a great pastor. I love you.
This is such a good reminder for me. I don’t want to wait.
When my grandma passed away a few years ago, I couldn’t speak at her funeral (because I’m mute when I cry) so I wrote something for the pastor to read. Then I was asked to do it again for my grandpa and my great-grandma. As I was writing these eulogys I was thinking how grateful I was that I had already shared these feelings with them while they were alive, but that’s not always how it goes, especially with people who are not family members. We tend to reserve our highest praise of others for when they can no longer hear us. I think nice things about people all the time, but it’s so hard for me to tell them. So I decided to do this awkward thing where I just tell people how I feel about them. If it’s someone I’m not super close to and I write them an emotional card or highlight them on my Facebook page or just say to their face why I think they’re amazing, it always feels kind of weird, but the funny thing is, no one has ever said “wow, that made me super uncomfortable”. And even if it did, I think hearing that you are valuable and important probably makes up for the discomfort. Now, I have this motto in my head when I think something nice about someone I say to myself, “don’t wait until they’re dead, don’t tell everyone else how great they are, tell them!” It’s still a struggle for me, but I’m getting better and this reminder today will revive it in me again.
Leslie – I love hearing this from you… because I am kinda similar in terms of personality. When you said, “So I decided to do this awkward thing where I just tell people how I feel about them” I totally laughed because I know just how that feels – going out on that limb with all the feelings of awkwardness, and saying those things.
Thank you for your examples – super helpful.
A beautiful reminder! How many families could be strengthened -even mended- just by doing this? Often, we take for granted those we spend a lot of time with. Their talents, gifts, kindnesses get overlooked (or not mentioned) because, well, that’s just who we see everyday.
So much Yes and Amen!
“But I wonder if sometimes those important things don’t get said because we waited too long.” Great question. I’ve heard and read way too many eulogies in the past three months. I would like to give my best ones whilst the subject of my praise is still breathing. Thanks for the excellent reflection.