Brian Dolleman's Blog

Which would you choose to work with…

Something old and broken?

Or something new and functional?

For some reason, God’s favorite raw materials are chaotic and dark, old and broken.

When the earth was without form and darkness covered everything, the Spirit of God hovered over it and said, “Let there be light.”

God takes darkness and makes light.

He chooses chaos and brings order.

God selects the broken and makes them whole.

He takes the old and makes them new.

Jesus said, “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, for he has anointed me to bring Good News to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim that captives will be released, that the blind will see, that the oppressed will be free, and that the time of the Lord’s favor has come.” (Luke 4.18, 19 NLT)

God is drawn to the poor, the captive, the blind and the oppressed.

This is Good News for those of us who aren’t perfect.

This is Good News for our marriages, for our families and for our church.

God chooses raw materials that are chaotic and dark, old and broken.

And He makes all things new (Revelation 21.5).

We really are different, aren’t we?

Unique.

Special.

Deserving of the expression, “Well, bless her heart.”

It was God’s crazy idea to gather all different kinds of people and assemble them together as the church – the family of God.

Wouldn’t it have just been simpler to have us all go our own way and do our own thing?

We’re all soooooo different.

Yet, God chose to save us and join us – not only to Himself, but also to each other as one big family… the church.

Yikes!

It’s hard enough trying to get along with our natural families – let alone this new spiritual family!

I have a theory about this…

I think the ark was God’s test.

The ark was God’s trial run for the church.

God said, “I’m gonna get a big boat and put loads of animals in it. After 40 days, if the crocodile hasn’t eaten the monkey, I think I might be able to make this happen with human beings.”

Fast forward to today: every Sunday, creatures come in two by two out of the parking lot and into the church.

You see families of crocodiles snapping at each other as they come into church.

You see the peacocks strutting around.

You see the mice and the elephants and the giraffes and the walruses and the cats and the dogs and the wildebeests…

We all come in to the church… and if we make it through the day without devouring each other – victory!

Perhaps the ark was a test.

Maybe God said, “Well, if the monkey survived this thing, my people can gather together as the church.”

HERE’S WHAT I DO KNOW: GOD GATHERS. THE ENEMY SCATTERS.

God gathers families. The enemy’s tactic is to scatter families.

God gathers his church. The enemy works to scatter the church.

Yeah, we are unique and special.

We’re very different.

But God has brought us together.

And together we’re better.

Together we’re stronger.

Gathered is God’s idea… and His grace makes it work.

I enjoyed classes where I could depend more on my talent, charm and good looks than on paying attention…

So, I loved speaking and writing classes.

Math… not so much.

Math class required homework every day.

You have to pay attention.

You have to master every lesson.

You have to “show your work.”

And if you get behind, you could easily fail.

There’s just no winging it or putting on a good show in math.

Parenting is kinda like math class…

Your talent, charm and good looks don’t come into play.

Parenting requires you to pay attention every day.

It’s super important that you don’t get behind (don’t slack-off on your parenting responsibilities).

Here’s what the Bible says:

“A refusal to correct is a refusal to love; love your children by disciplining them.” (Proverbs 13.24 MSG)

It almost sounds a little counter-intuitive.

Discipline = love.

No discipline = no love.

Here’s the deal: not disciplining your kid for a week is like not doing your math homework for a week.

A test will come… and crisis is inevitable.

Parenting requires constant involvement, attention and adjustment.

“Don’t exasperate your children by coming down hard on them. Take them by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master.” (Ephesians 1.4 MSG)

Your child needs you to take them by the hand and lead them.

Your child needs you to be…

Steady.

Consistent.

Reliable.

Here’s my least favorite parenting method…

Let things get out of control for a long time. Snap. Then go Nazi on your kids.

Ugh.

This never works.

Why do parents give their children ridiculously harmful amounts of freedom and think they can successfully take it all back when they finally decide to put their foot down?

It’s like a formula for getting your family invited to be on the Jerry Springer show…

The goal isn’t to wait until the breaking point and then put your foot down.

The goal is to take their hand and guide them.

“Don’t exasperate your children by coming down hard on them. Take them by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master.” (Ephesians 1.4 MSG)

Taking them by the hand means constant, active involvement in shaping their lives.

Not sporadic.

Not apathetic.

Not ignorant.

Not waiting until things get so bad that you have to put your foot down.

Take their hand!

Be constantly, actively involved in the shaping of their lives.

Scripture paints a picture of what “taking them by the hand” parenting looks like:

“Commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these words of mine. Teach them to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up.” (Deuteronomy 11.18, 19 NLT)

That’s some constant, active involvement – shaping and training them at home, on the road, while tucking them into bed and getting them up in the morning.

Don’t wait for a crisis.

Don’t wait until it’s too late.

Don’t put your foot down.

Be their parent.

Take their hand.

Let’s just clear the air: there are no perfect parents and there are no perfect kids.

I’m a kid and I’m a parent… and I’m not perfect.

I am blessed to have GOOD parents.

And I really want to be a GOOD parent to my daughter.

Over my 15 years of being a youth pastor, I observed a lot of BAD parenting and witnessed the tragic results of that BAD parenting in the lives of young people.

Here’s what I saw:

1. Parents under-reacting. Parents not paying attention. Parents not giving instruction. Parents giving harmful amounts of freedom. Parents not being parents… some too busy with their own agendas, others too focused on being their kids’ friend rather than parent.

2. Parents over-reacting. Parents being overbearing. Parents giving impossible commands. Parents giving no freedom, causing inevitable rebellion. Parents controlling their kids at the expense of relationship, losing credibility with their children.

These two extremes are equally harmful.

Scripture gives us the key:

“Don’t exasperate your children by coming down hard on them. Take them by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master.” (Ephesians 1.4 MSG)

In other words, don’t be too hard and don’t be too easy.

Take them by the hand and lead them.

This requires love, patience, sensitivity, relationship, involvement, close proximity, compassion and wisdom.

Yes, we (parents) will make mistakes along the way.

Yes, we (kids) will make mistakes along the way.

We’re not perfect.

But we have grace.

Parents… we can do this!

Take your kids by the hand and lead them.

I still remember the conversation.

It was in a van, somewhere near Spokane, WA.

At the time, I had been married for about 10 years.

The van was full of single guys – confidently talking about what they thought marriage would be like.

I got the sense from one guy that he was talking about a “Stepford Wife” – a perfectly beautiful, submissive housewife who is actually a robot.

I couldn’t help myself.

I felt obligated to burst his bubble.

“Dude, your wife is gonna wake up somedays with ratty hair, crusty eyes, drool stains on her face, breath like dragon vomit… and she’ll be wearing comfy, flannel full-body-coverage pajamas.”

He looked stunned. Then indignant.

“No way bro! My wife is gonna wake up looking hot everyday…”

So funny.

And impossible.

Nobody wakes up looking hot everyday.

Even supermodels have dragon-vomit breath in the morning.

Here’s what I’m saying: nobody’s perfect.

Nobody.

You included (you know that’s true – you have empirical evidence).

Since you’re not perfect, you need grace.

That’s true for everyone else too – including your spouse (who doesn’t wake up looking hot everyday).

Don’t expect the impossible from your spouse.

Love them, flaws and all. Give them grace – they need it.

And so do you.

You know how the Bible has section titles, chapter numbers and verse numbers?

Well, those aren’t inspired.

They were added much later for our convenience (having chapter and verse numbers helps us look up specific portions of Scripture).

They’re not Scripture – they’re like navigating reference points.

Generally, they are helpful.

Occasionally, they are sneaky.

Here’s an example:
____________________________________________

Ephesians 5:21-22 (NIV)

21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Wives and Husbands

22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
____________________________________________

Notice how the section title “Wives and Husbands” breaks up the flow and makes it seem as if there is a new topic being introduced.

Sneaky, sneaky.

I bet the editors who wrote that section title were dudes.

Seriously, I’d bet money on it.

Here’s my point: submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ is connected to the instructions for husbands and wives. In other words, husbands are being told to submit also.

In the New Living Translation, this portion of Scripture reads like this:

21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
22 For wives, this means…
25 For husbands, this means…

Yup, submitting is the job of both wives and husbands.

Don’t be sneaky and try to write yourself out of the “submit to your spouse” instruction.

Let’s be honest, there are no perfect people.

We all have flaws, weaknesses, issues, problems, quirks, shortcomings and failures.

Heck, even Martha Stewart went to jail.

And the very first family – Adam, Eve, Cain and Abel – they messed things up pretty bad.

The Bible doesn’t give us stories of perfect people, marriages or families. Instead, we have raw stories of real people who had raunchy problems… people whom God loved and used to do great things.

No, there isn’t formula that will give you the perfect marriage or perfect family.

Marriages and families have PEOPLE in them – that’s why they’re not perfect.

Pretending to be perfect doesn’t make you perfect, it just makes you annoying.

What if we just admitted that we’re not perfect?

Wouldn’t it be freeing to be honest about our issues?

The great Apostle Paul had a problem – he called it his “thorn in the flesh.”

He asked God to take it away.

God said, “My grace is enough for you. When you are weak, my power is made perfect in you.” (2 Cor. 12.9)

Paul’s response? “So – I am very happy to brag about my weaknesses, then Christ’s power can live in me.”

What do imperfect people need? Grace.

What do imperfect marriages need? Grace.

What do imperfect families need? Grace.

We don’t need to pretend. We don’t need to fake it.

We already have God’s grace.

We need to give it to each other – to our spouses and our children, to our parents and our siblings.

Give some grace!

There was a party on Sunday, a Welcome Home Party.

We laughed, we sang and we danced the Cha-Cha Slide.

It was a big fun day – fo reals.

30+ vehicles in the car show!

A live DJ deejaying (and no joke, his name is DJ – Daniel Jose).

Cotton Candy. Big inflatable bouncy things. BBQ. Seahawks game opener. Spontaneous electric slide…

We’re getting over our “awkward partyer syndrome.”

And we should.

We have so much to celebrate.

We love God. We love people. We love life.

“Blessed are the people who know the passwords of praise, who shout in the bright presence of God. Delighted, they dance all day long; they know who you are. what you do – they can’t keep it quiet! You’ve been so good to us! We’re walking on air!” – Psalm 89.15-17 MSG

It seemed like a dream, too good to be true… We laughed, we sang, we couldn’t believe our good fortune. God was wonderful to us; we are one happy people. – Psalm 126.1-3 MSG

Ya ever been commanded to celebrate?

Or told to party?

Yeah, me neither…

However, in the Old Testament, God told his people to party; He commanded them to celebrate.

Of course, we live in the New Testament era.

So… it’s a new day. We have grace and the heavy, impossible burden of the law has been lifted.

Unfortunately, we act as if God’s desire for us to celebrate has been lifted too.

But shouldn’t we have even more to celebrate today?

Check out some of God’s (Old Testament) party commands:
_______________________________________________________________?

“You must begin celebrating; this festival continues for seven days.”

?“Be careful to celebrate.”
?
“Celebrate with joy before the Lord your God for seven days.”

?“This festival will be a happy time of celebrating with your sons and daughters… and the Levites, foreigners, orphans, and widows from your towns.”

?“For seven days you must celebrate this festival to honor the Lord your God, for it is he who blesses you with bountiful harvests and gives you success in all your work. This festival will be a time of great joy for all.”
_______________________________________________________________

I believe God still wants us to party and celebrate.

Remember Jesus’ first miracle? He turned water into wine at a wedding reception.

Remember the Father’s response when the prodigal came home? He said, “We had to celebrate!”

In fact, Jesus told a parable explaining how the Kingdom is like a king who prepared a great wedding party for his son and invited everyone to come…

Yes, we have much to celebrate.

And yes, we must party!

Notes:

Leviticus 23:6
Leviticus 23:27?
Leviticus 23:40?
Deuteronomy 16:14
Deuteronomy 16:15
John 2
Luke 15:32
Matthew 22:2