Brian Dolleman's Blog

Ernest Hemingway wrote a short story called ”The Capital of the World.” In it, he told the story of a father and his teenage son who were estranged from one another. The son’s name was Paco—he had wronged his father. As a result, in his shame, he had run away from home.

In the story, the father searched all over Spain for Paco, but still he could not find the boy. Finally, in the city of Madrid, in a last desperate attempt to find his son, the father placed an ad in the daily newspaper. The ad read:

“PACO, MEET ME AT THE HOTEL MONTANA. NOON TUESDAY. ALL IS FORGIVEN. PAPA.”

The father in Hemingway’s story prayed that the boy would see the ad; and then maybe, just maybe, he would come to the Hotel Montana. On Tuesday, at noon, the father arrived at the hotel. When he did, he could not believe his eyes.

An entire squadron of police officers had been called out in an attempt to keep order among eight hundred young men. It turned out that each one of them was named Paco. And each one of them had come to meet his respective father to find forgiveness in front of the Hotel Montana.

Eight hundred boys named Paco read the ad in the newspaper and hoped it was for them. Eight hundred Pacos had come to receive the forgiveness they so desperately desired.

This story is a great reminder…

Our world is full of “Pacos.”

These Pacos are hurting and wandering—yet they hope to be wanted, loved, accepted, welcomed, forgiven, and received home again.

They long to hear the words, “ALL IS FORGIVEN.”

Question…

How many Pacos do you know?

Is there someone who needs to hear “ALL IS FORGIVEN” from you?

Are there Pacos you can help? Pacos you can welcome, love, accept, and give a sense of belonging to?

I bet there are—even more than you think.

Full disclosure: I’m not an expert on this subject.

In fact, I’ve only done this once and I plan on keeping it that way.

Even though I’m not an expert, I do have a winning record—I’m 1-0.

So, let me get right to the point. Here’s HOW NOT to ask someone to marry you:

“You wouldn’t want to get married, would you?”

“I was kinda-sorta thinking about getting married—but only if you want. Either way is fine. Just wondering.”

“Maybe someday we could, like, share a residence or get married or something?”

Now, for the HOW TO ask:

“Will you marry me?”

Do you see the difference? This version is direct, uncluttered, clear, simple… it gets right to the point and it demands an answer.

We refer to it as, “Popping THE question.”

I think there’s a good lesson here about communication…

When asking for something, get right to it. Pop the question. Ask. Be direct, uncluttered, clear, and simple. Leave no doubt in their mind what you’re asking for.

Similarly, when making a statement, MAKE IT. Say what you’re needing to say. Don’t let it get all muddy. Don’t send too many messages or mixed messages. Just get to the point. Say it!

I recently saw a sign for “Store Hours” that said:

Open most days about 9 or 10. Occasionally as early as 7, but somedays as late or 12 or 1.

We close about 5:30 or 6, occasionally about 4 or 5 but sometimes as late as 11 or 12.

Somedays or afternoons we aren’t here at all and lately I’ve been here just about all the time except when I’m someplace else.

I’m sure it was a joke.

It’s certainly no way to communicate!

Too many messages. Mixed messages. Muddy. Not clear. Confusing. Frustrating.

Don’t let your communication be a joke. Don’t sound like that sign.

Instead, be clear. Pop the question. Make that statement.

Get to the point as quickly as possible.

Say it!

I meet with a group of guys each week.

We’re reading John Maxwell’s book—The 21 Indispensable Qualities of a Leader.

Recently, we discussed a chapter that dealt with a leader’s need for people skills.

Here are a few of the points…

UNDERSTAND PEOPLE
Leaders must be able to understand how people feel and think. As you work with others, recognize that all people, whether leaders or followers, have some things in common:

They like to feel special, so sincerely compliment them.
They want a better tomorrow, so show them hope.
They desire direction, so navigate for them.
They are selfish, so speak to their needs first.
They get low emotionally, so encourage them.
They want success, so help them win.

LOVE PEOPLE
Being a leader is more than just wanting to lead. Leaders have empathy for others and a keen ability to find the best in people… not the worst… by truly caring for others.

HELP PEOPLE
People can respect a leader who keeps their interests and needs in mind. If your focus is on what you can put into people rather than what you can get out of them, they’ll love and respect you.

I was asked to contribute a story for a friend’s book, Bible Lessons From Our Pets (which you can pre-order on amazon.com). Here’s my story…

When I was a kid, I bought a puppy—a little white and orange Brittney Spaniel. I named her “Gretchen.”

Brittney Spaniels are bird dogs. They are bred to hunt.

I wasn’t a hunter, but she was. She loved to run. She “pointed” when birds flew by. She chased any animal that was smaller than her. She dug into mole hills, caught and ate moles (truly disgusting to watch).

Gretchen tried to tolerate the leash but she loved to be free. I would often find her running around chasing various wildlife in the horse pasture behind our house.

Jesus Christ purchased our freedom. He has given us a new nature: one that loves to walk in freedom.

John 8:36 says, “So if the Son sets you free, you are truly free.”

2 Corinthians 3:17 reminds us, “Wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.”

We have a new nature—one that has been recreated in the likeness of Jesus Christ.

This new nature is free. Free from condemnation. Free from the past. Free from destructive habits that chain and contain us. Free to be joyful. Free to live and enjoy this life that God has given us!

We have been unleashed.

In other words, if you are a Christian, it’s your nature to be free just like it was Gretchen’s nature to chase birds.

Unfortunately, we sometimes get chained up, hindered, or put back on a leash. We allow hurts, regrets, old habits, fears, insecurities, greed, selfishness, and other negative forces to attach like a choke-collar around our necks.

I remember a time when we couldn’t find Gretchen’s six-foot long leather leash. It was a rather expensive leash—one that the dog obedience school had recommended. Everyone in my family got blamed for misplacing it. No one confessed, and it was still missing.

A few days later, evidence appeared—proving that Gretchen was the culprit in the case of the missing leash. She had eaten it. The leash didn’t digest well… so there were many little chunks of leather in Gretchen’s dog piles around our lawn.

Gretchen showed us what she thought of the leash we used to hold her back. She chewed it up and expelled it. She left it in piles around the yard.

Jesus paid a high price for our freedom.

We are meant to be free.

Don’t go digging through piles of poo looking for a leash that has already been destroyed.

“So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don’t get tied up again…” (Galatians 5.1 NLT)

When I was a kid, we played King of the Mountain.

Actually, it was King of the Tractor Tire.

The playground didn’t have any mountains—but it did have some big tractor tires stuffed in the ground for us to play on.

The goal of the game: become “King” by shoving everyone else off the tire.

When you knocked all your competitors down, you became King of the Tractor Tire.

One day, Jesus’ disciples were playing King of the Tractor Tire…

“His disciples began arguing about which of them was the greatest.” (Luke 9.46 NLT)

When you’re arguing that you are the greatest, you “win” the argument by shoving others down.

Just as one of the disciples was about to shove his last competitor off the tire, Jesus interrupts.

“He brought a little child to his side. Then he said to them, ‘Anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf welcomes me, and anyone who welcomes me also welcomes my Father who sent me. Whoever is the least among you is the greatest.’” (Luke 9.47, 48 NLT)

What was Jesus saying?

—You don’t become great by exerting strength over people; you become great by humbling yourself and building others up.

—Instead of trying to be the best shover of people, be the best lifter of people.

—Don’t knock people down. Give them a hand and lift them up.

—Get down off your tractor tire superiority complex.

—Welcome and help the “little” guy.

Remember that song from 1991 by the band Right Said Fred…

The one that goes on and on about all the things “I’m too sexy” for?

It arrogantly declares, “I’m too sexy for my shirt.”

Maybe you think it’s disgusting that someone would sing about how they’re too sexy for shirts, cars, hats, Milan, New York and Japan… BUT WE THINK THE SAME THING ALL THE TIME.

Really?

Yes. Really.

We’re constantly thinking, “I’m too ___________ for ____________ .”

For instance…

“I’m too over-qualified for this.”

“I’m too under-qualified for that.”

“I’m too old for helping out with stuff like this.”

“I’m too young for something like that.”

“I’m too messed-up for church.”

“I’m too ___________ for ____________ .”

Basically, this line of reasoning says 1 of 2 things:

Either “I’m too GOOD for this,” or “I’m too BAD for that.”

You know the story of the Good Samaritan, right?

Here’s the super-condensed version:

Dude gets robbed and beaten. He’s left in the gutter to die. A little later, a priest comes by—and when he sees the dude, he avoids the situation by walking on the other side of the road. A few minutes later, a church leader does the exact same thing. Finally, a guy who is pretty low in terms of society’s scale shows up. He jumps in, helps the dude out, and personally finances his recovery (the full version is in Luke chapter 10).

In this story, the priest was thinking ”I’m too sexy for my shirt.”

OK, not really—but he was thinking “I’m too good for this,” which is just as stupid.

Same thing with the church leader.

The Samaritan, rather than thinking “I’m too bad for this,” made himself available to help.

His ego wasn’t over-inflated and it wasn’t under-inflated.

He didn’t think he was too sexy for his shirt.

He also was willing to do what he could.

What’s the point of all this?

STOP THINKING “I’M TOO SEXY FOR MY SHIRT.”

Stop believing “I’m too ___________ for ____________ .”

PUT YOUR SHIRT BACK ON, AND LET GOD USE YOU.

A few years ago, I visited the apartment of a some college guys from my church.

To be honest, I was shocked. I’d never seen anything dirtier or messier. The cupboards were empty and the sink was overflowing with dirty dishes. The apartment smelled bad. There wasn’t adequate lighting and it was dark in there.

I tried to mask what I was feeling; I tried to act as if this was all normal to me.

Then one of the guys said, “Sit down PB! Make yourself comfortable.”

I looked at the couch. It was covered with crumbs and stains and miscellaneous articles of clothing (dirty of course).

On the inside, I was having a mild panic attack.

On the outside, I smiled, moved a moist sock from the seat to the armrest—and sat down.

I was there for about 35 minutes. I have no recollection of what we talked about.

Here’s what I do remember: feeling uncomfortable and out of place.

It’s embarrassing to admit it, but I was kinda worried that I would get dirty or catch something.

A few weeks later, one of the guys asked me what I thought of his apartment.

For some reason, I answered honestly:

“I was uncomfortable. I thought it was dirty and messy. It stressed me out.”

He laughed. Then he said something I’ll never forget:

“PB, your house stresses me out and makes me uncomfortable.”

I was shocked. “Why?” I asked in disbelief.

He explained, “Because everything is neat and clean and perfect—everything’s in just the right spot. I’m worried that I will mess something up or get your perfect house dirty. It’s stressful. I don’t want to sit down. I don’t want to move. It just stresses me out. When I leave, it’s a relief because I don’t have to worry about messing up your perfect place anymore.”

I could see that he wasn’t being sarcastic or retaliating because of what I said about his place. He was being completely honest.

Wow. My clean house stresses someone out.

Over the years, I’ve thought a lot about that honest conversation we had.

I’m still embarrassed about the “I’m too good for this dirty mess” attitude I had about that apartment.

And I’m thankful God doesn’t have that attitude toward us.

Think about it.

Jesus wasn’t born in a royal palace or in a top-notch hospital.

Nope. He was born in stable, a manger… a barn.

God was perfectly comfortable entering our dirty mess.

“While they were in Bethlehem, the time came for Mary to have the baby, and she gave birth to her first son. Because there were no rooms left in the inn, she wrapped the baby with pieces of cloth and laid him in a feeding trough.” (Luke 2.6, 7 NCV)

This is an important truth to always remember:

NO MATTER HOW MUCH OF A DIRTY MESS YOUR LIFE IS, GOD IS HAPPY TO SHOW UP AND MAKE HIS HOME THERE.

Yes, God is perfectly comfortable entering our dirty mess.